Movember: 6 Different Moustaches You Can Grow This Month
Lifestyle Nov 06, 2018
Movember: 6 Different Moustaches You Can Grow This Month.
It’s a procedure that’s a bit of a pain in the bum. Checking a man’s prostate once a year is essential once he reaches forty. Prostate cancer kills thousands every year. As uncomfortable as the examination is, dying is more so.
Every November, as a sign of support and awareness generation, men all over the world put down their razors and let the follicles grow. The second last month of the year becomes ‘Movember’. As in ‘moustache-vember’.
Here we look at some of the most popular types of moustaches, if you’re looking for inspiration into how to grow your own.
There’s something surreal about this moustache. Popularised by Surrealist painter Salvador Dali, it features a thin, waxed pointed-and-curled twirl upwards. It’s works best if you have more narrow features and a slight mad glint in the eye. Like you’ve just put a stamp on your tongue that features an image of Superman on it.
The Magnum PI
Technically, it’s called a Chevron. But we prefer the Magnum PI since it’s sported by the totally hot Tom Selleck in the hit TV show. It’s wide and thick, and ordinarily worn long. It bristles with raw masculinity and is best suited to the man with a chiselled jaw.
This moustache is called thus for what might seem quite an obvious reason. It is a thin line of a moustache, which appears like it has been drawn on by… drum roll… a pencil. Popular with suave gentlemen from the 1930s who don’t believe in this technicolour nonsense, and prefer to appear in black and white, the pencil goes well with a tumbler of expensive scotch and a cigarette in a cigarette-holder. Though we don’t advocate either of those two habits, seeing as they have health risks. Also made famous by Gomez Addams of The Addams Family.
The notorious supervillain of the pulp fiction novels of the same name lends his name to a moustache style that actually predates him by quite a bit. It should probably be called ‘The Mongolian’ because that is when the style was introduced to China… during the frightening, devastating conquest of said country by Genghis Khan and his Golden Horde. They wrecked havoc through a great swathe of the world, getting as far as Europe, easily besting the Hungarian knights they found there, quite literally wiping out their army. When the Mongolians got over their killing spree and started in the business of empire ruling, their styles became popular with the conquered peoples they lorded over. When you sport a Fu Manchu, you are telling everyone, “I’m in the business of conquering the world, and guess what time it is? It’s business time!”.
The handlebar moustache gets its name from the handlebars of a bicycle. It is a bushy moustache with tapered points at the end. It’s popular with gunslingers and bartenders, so growing one will do one of two things: either compel you to have gun duels at high noon, or clean glasses while listening to the sob stories of patrons drowning their sorrows in whisky.
Imagine a horseshoe on a man’s lips, made of bristling hair, pointed downwards. That’s the horseshoe. It’s really for macho men, and it’s advised you only sport it if you have bulging muscles and a voracious attitude towards life. The man who made it famous is Hulk Hogan, a popular wrestler from the 80s and early 90s in the World Wrestling Federation of pseudo-wrestling. Also popular with biker outlaws.
What will your moustache be for Movember?
Whatever it is, just be proud of the fact you’re helping bring awareness to men’s health. And don’t forget, if you need your moustache stylised, you can get groomed at Sorbet Man, at Rosebank Mall. For your general health and well-being, there’s Dis-Chem where their wellness centre can test you for a variety of health related issues, like diabetes, blood pressure, and your cholesterol levels.